It was not until someone handed me Harville Hendrix’s book, Keeping the Love You Find, did I finally understand my role in the dysfunctional. Harville Hendrix Ph.D. and his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D. created Imago Harville: We wrote Keeping The Love You Find to address that. Keeping the Love You Find. By Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., ISBN 5 star must reading. [The following is what I highlighted during my read of this.

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Making Love, Not War. Through Imago you can uncover patterns that are not working for you and learn about how to make new relationships more successful. To love what we hate in others is a form of self-love because the simple-minded old brain accepts the love we give to others as self-love.

Remember that others are not you. Jill Bolte Taylor and many more. There are some nifty charts, exercises, and questionaires that will assist you on your path of introspection and bringing you closer to finding and recognizing a good partner. Published February 1st by Atria Books first published February 1st The Journey to Consciousness. The anger, and the tendency to blame, are greater. Marriage itself, properly understood, is the therapy we need to grow and become wholeto return to our innate joyful state.

How do we reclaim our lost parts, the good and the bad, and put ourselves back together? To quiet the old brain you need to learn to create a sense of inner safety.

Keeping the Love You Find – Harville Hendrix – Google Books

Apr 06, Rae rated it liked it Shelves: That is what happened for me. Partner reliability; support; standing. In fact, as you learn about childhood ills and the stage at which they manifest, his book has the added benefit of helping you become a better parent.

I admit this was a very painful read. Let go; do things on your own; negotiate. Legacy of the Dysfunctional Family. Harvile, It was at that point that I just gave up on the book without reading about how one actually does overcome their childhood wounds through the relationship: But that elevated … underneath our apparent but illusory rationality with a sea of chaotic instincts that influenced and often undermined our choices.


We resist change because to change means facing our own internalized self-hatred and accepting the responsibility for feeling unlovable. A rapist suffers from sensory deprivation, from the repression of erosfrom a deep self-hatred acted out upon a hated object—the perfect formula for violence.

Confused; alternates between compliance and defiance; exaggerates emotions; makes few suggestions; self-effacing. The failure of our society to recognize the problem fine upgrade our understanding to match our psychic evolution portends serious trouble for our civilization. Initiate separateness; develop outside interests; internalize partner; integrate positive and negative traits of partner.

This book has a great deal of exercises in each harvikle designed to help you examine the childhood ills that are blocking love.

In order for change to occur, insight must be translated into action. He outlines the stages of childhood development and their potential wounds, the ways we reject, deny, and lose aspects of ourselves, the unconscious choice of our partners and inevitable progression of our relationships based on these factors.

His previous book, Getting The Love You Want, is a guide for couples already enduring the inevitable power struggle of relationship together – but this one is just about working with ourselves in order to improve that relationship when it co This book took me a very long time to complete. I henndrix those that USE the books, compared to read the books keep them or kove them on selectively.

To validate another person means that you put yourself in his place, behind his eyeballs, and look at fin situation from his point of view.

Forget the Mating Game! Sexually permissive cultures are typically nonviolent.

Keeping the Love You Find!

Maintain self-identity; be responsible to others; learn to trust others. I think there are so many people that struggle with their relationships and he is so amazing at being able to guide people through these challenges.


Rigidly imposes will; super-rational with occasional angry outbursts; takes charge; punishes. Rather than viewing human nature as essentially good, and sex as life affirming as is the case in some Eastern culturesour attitudes toward sex—the evils of the flesh—are based on the premise that human nature is essentially evil and sex the depraved act of an evil being. I am very thankful I stumbled upon this book.

Not at all; it is the path.

The ingredients necessary for full growth and healing—attention, concentration, security, time, deepest intimacy, and the full mirroring of ourselves through our partner—are possible only in marriage. Just a moment while we sign you in to your Goodreads account. The depersonalization of the other, in rape, is an expression of a split self, a desperate attempt to connect with the hated opposite in oneself.

We are inherently androgynous creatures, embodying both male and female energy….

Keeping the Love You Find

Here are a few quotes that I thought were most interesting or telling about the current state of marriage in our country and the author’s ideas that I thought that rang true. Th I have no Oprah relationships to Hendrix’s work. Perhaps he had a lazy father who didn’t work much and therefore, David feels he must overcompensate for his father’s failings.

Anything he says about the single life can be said for the married life as well, he just doesn’t see yu. I owned Getting the Love you Need in thanks, mom, the book lasted longer than the marriage, good call.

His previous book, Getting The Love You Want, is a guide for couples already enduring the inevitable power struggle of relationship together – but this one is just about working with meeping in order to improve that relationship when it comes along.